You know how you are at that point where you feel nothing is working?That place where you feel so despondent you do not even know how you are still standing?I am fairly close to that feeling of helpless hopelessness? I do not feel like killing myself,I have too much to live for?but I am somewhat frustrated. I feel like I am at a standstill feels like nothing is going my way,things are hard, I feel pressured,I feel like I am at my wit’s end .

I rarely have days like this,I think I am one of the most positive people I know?sounds one kain abi?Lol,I know. I have been feeling this way for about two days now,this morning,I just wanted to stay in bed all day but I dragged myself out of bed and went out as usual. I hate being broke! I do not like hand outs,I have so many things I want to do,so many ideas I would like to pursue but I just can’t seem to get the funds right now.

I am one of those people that if I ever ask you for something once and you say no,I will do everything I can to make sure I never ask you again.It is not because I believe people should give me everything I ask for,far from it,it is because I hate asking people for things,I usually would have to psyche myself up for days and sometimes weeks to ask for anybody to do anything for me.I am trying to learn how to take things in my stride though,learning to take “No” for an answer without shutting down the communication lines?

However,I find it hard to be like this for a long time,I am a “happy-go- lucky girl”. I like to be happy,Life gets hard now and then,I get broke a lot of times, but I never stop swinging.My faith in God gets stretched so much sometimes that I think I am at my breaking point,but just when I think I can not hold on any more,just when I am about to just let myself sink and say ” why do I seem to be the only one with this one prayer point for so so long”something or someone comes around and shows me that it is not just meand I am only going through a process,something then reminds me that  God knows my limits,He knows my strength, He knows how much I can take and He will never ever give me more than I can handle.

Then I wipe my tears and  smile,I keep swinging,keep hoping,keep believing and keep fighting because I know for sure that “weeping may endure through the night but joy ?joy cometh in the morning.