I was so emotional last night and at the early hours of today. I tried to sleep but I just could not. I got up and prayed for you and I cried a little. I can’t believe how far you have come and how much you have grown.

About this time ten years ago,I had just come out of the biggest battle;It was for my life and yours.

April 3rd started like every other day,I woke up feeling some type of way,I was cranky and tired,I pushed off the bed as my tummy now felt like I had two huge water melons sitting inside of it. It had been 41 weeks and I was raring to go.

By noon,mum( Ogori grandma as you now call her)had made semo,I could not eat.It was a day to Easter and Tibile,my dear friend was also around. She asked what I wanted to do with the goat meat,told her I was a bit tired and wanted to just sleep.

Mum did not allow me go in to sleep,instead she asked your dad to bring out the mattress to the sitting room. I laid there but I kept tossing and turning.I don’t know if it was her mother’s instincts or her midwifery training and instincts that kicked in,mom started watching over me like a hawk.

Later that day,at about 6pm,I saw the ‘show’ I had read up about labour and was somewhat prepared.I began to feel just a little ache along my waist and back,I told Mike and he in turn told mum.

Mumsie packed up and asked that we head for the hospital,I said I was okay and to wait,she said no. You see,all through your pregnancy, from about 3months,I had struggled with high blood pressure,it stabilized at about 6 months and I was relieved.

Then at about 32 weeks,we lost Biodun and for a full week,I just stared into space and cried,I could not sleep,even sleeping meds did not help. My BP took the fall,it skyrocketed.

I felt so empty but I never forgot to rub my tummy and pray for you everyday. I never forgot to read Isaiah 43 which became my favourite verse while pregnant with you,it was as if I was preparing myself and you for this day.

I had been asking your daddy to cut his hair,I told him I would not go anywhere if he didn’t cut his hair. Don’t ask me why,I can’t explain it myself😄He looked from me to mum,she just nodded to him and he said okay.

I asked him to take a bike or take the car,he said no,it’ll be faster if he went on foot😄he ran all the way. In retrospect, I think he was panicking. How could going on foot be faster than car or a bike?

We got to the hospital around 7.30pm,I was just about 3cm dilated,I didn’t feel much,my waist ached. The doctor on duty said we could go home and be back by 6.00am,the matron also said same,it was my first child and I would not be ready to push till about that time. Your dad and Mumsie refused and insisted they give us a private room instead to wait it out.

A lot can change in 1 hour. Thank God we didn’t listen to them or go home. By about 8.30pm,the Doctor that came on duty came for the ward rounds,he read the notes and came to check me,he decided to palpate and listen for you,he kept checking,mum asked him if there was anything wrong? He said no but I saw he was fidgety.

In 10mins,he asked for a scan,I was on the table and saw that he was worried,he called in the matron, she also checked and they both just said to me everything was fine. I smiled,held my tummy and started talking to you as I waddled back to my room.

About 20 minutes later,he came in,called your dad in and your grandma and said they checked and that surprisingly I was already 6cm dilated and the stages of labour was progressing really well and fast. He said he contemplated inserting tabs to hasten the labour.

However,they had to carry out an emergency CS as my BP was rising and you were going into distress,they can’t wait and needed to get you out ASAP. I started crying and mum said to me in Ogori,Tunme,don’t cry,nothing will happen to you or your baby.

There was more,the doctor said,they could not risk general anaesthesia because of the BP and they did not have spinal anaesthesia currently😔He said “madam,I can’t lie to you,there will be a lot of pain but we will do our utmost to ensure you and the baby are fine.Once the baby is out,we can then put you to sleep.”

By 10pm,I was in the theatre,butt naked,I climbed on the narrow table,and before I knew it,I was spread out like on a cross,the nurses started tying my hands and legs and I was wondering and thinking to myself,are this people reenacting the crucifixion of Jesus😃

There were 3 doctors and 2 nurses,one of them is Docie that you now know as one of your pops’ closest friends😊. As the surgery was about to start,one of them checked and said oh Lord,madam,your labour would have been seamless,you are almost fully dilated.

Then they administered zylocane injections and made to cut,I screamed,they administered some more and then they cut. I am unable to explain the pain as tears rolled down my eyes,one of the nurses held my hands and started praying. I started saying Isaiah 43 out loud,verse for verse as they worked. Soon,I understood why my hands and feet had been tied down.I didn’t bargain for this kind of raw pain.

I felt blood run down my body and my thighs,I could feel the frenzy with which they worked,then I heard them say the baby had already descended and the cut was too small to manoeuvre you up without snapping your neck.
You see,the Chief medical director had written on my file that the foetus on examination was less than 3kg and so they made a cut that was not big enough.

The next thing,I heard myself shouting Jesus,my life flashed before my eyes,the pain was ringing in my head as I felt the scissors slicing through my flesh,I thought I had died.Then I felt tugging on different sides of my stomach as I heard someone say ,puuuulll…the pain…

I opened my eyes to a dark tunnel,then I saw light flashing and I saw Biodun,he started talking to me,I can’t remember what we talked about exactly,we were walking through the now lit tunnel,we seemed to have been going round in circles for a long time,talking and laughing.

We eventually got to the end of the tunnel,Biodun turned a corner,I made to follow him and he turned around and said to me ” no,you can’t go with me,you have to turn and go back from here,I am fine where I am ” he turned and I opened my eyes to the lights in the theatre.

I felt a sharp tug and I said ouch,the doctor closest to me said ” oh! You are finally awake,we are just finishing up the last stitch” My mouth felt so dry and I asked the doctor where is my baby? He said your baby is fine,she is with your mum. I asked what time it was,he said almost 3.00am, how come? Since 10.00pm?what happened?

I was wheeled out to my room at about 3.30am,it was Easter Sunday,April 4th,I felt like my whole body was not mine. I was later to find out that I had passed out from pain and my BP had escalated in the course of the surgery,as soon as they got you out,I was then put to sleep.

When I laid my eyes on you,you didn’t look like any other newborn I had seen😆. You were so dark ,I had never seen a newborn that dark.When I heard you cry,your voice was husky and heavy,like mine. You weighed all of 3.8 kilograms.

Your head was completely bald,I wondered if your hair would ever grow 😀 . You opened your eyes and eyes like mine stared at me so intensely.
I knew at that moment that you were worth all the pain I had been through.I winced as mum placed you in my arms. I held you and I whispered thank you to God for letting me hold you in my arms alive. I thanked you for fighting along with me.

We were undecided between Gabrielle and Nicole even as we were unsure if you were a boy or a girl. You chose Nicole,you were a victor,a fighter. You still are😊.I could have died,we both could have,but here I am writing you this on your 10th birthday.

I love you child. Being your mum has made me a much better person. Just look at you,all of ten years. Happy birthday my love. I know for sure that you are beautiful in and out.You are a much better person than I hoped you will be. I have learnt so much from you and with you.

Everything that concerns you,the Lord will perfect.And oh, my brain finally numbed out the pain😊I would do it over for you again though.

P.S

Corona Virus has kept us indoors and made all our plans ‘undoable’. Only for now . By God’s grace,this will pass and we will do all that you have listed for your 10th(within reasonable limits😃)

Love,

Your mum,
Yetunde❤