Hello there.😊

How are you today? Good?Okay? Just there?Not so good?
Whichever one it is,hang in there,you will be fine,sometimes,it doesn’t look like it but you will be fine.😊

What is your biggest fear? What do you think about that scares you so much sometimes that you are out of breath just thinking about it? Mine? I’ll share.
There are a few things that scare me,right now,two things top that list,parenting a teenager and losing my dad. Strange?
You see,my dad is special to me,we have always been close,he is that one person I find very easy to ask for advice when I am stuck or confused about anything. Half the time,I may not agree with him,he and I are always fighting and making up but he means so much to me.

Now,don’t join my mum and say I love my dad more than her o😅. I am just daddy’s girl and I love them in different ways. I am a lot like my dad in temperament,maybe that is something else we have in common.

I do understand that death is inevitable and we will all die some day but Kai! I am so afraid of losing my dad,coincidentally,he says he is ready to go,that he has lived his life,well,I am not ready 😪If it crosses my mind,I start hyperventilating. The last time we had this discussion,he asked me what he is doing for me alive,I said plenty things plus I want to buy you a car😃.

The second fear I have is of parenting a teenager😔Maybe it is fear of karma.I was horrible in my teens.🙈 I gave my mother sleepless nights generally just being unpleasant,a pain in the neck and recalcitrant.I was cool with pops o,he could always reach my coconut head. But my mum,we never seemed to agree on anything.

I remember one night, I did something,she asked me to apologise,I stood there like ‘shigidi’,she asked me to kneel down if I would not apologise,I knelt there for over 3 hours,the thing is,I was not convinced I had done anything wrong and back then,as long as I am not convinced of any wrongdoing,I never apologized.
My mum got tired and frustrated and sent me out of her room after 4 hours kneeling there and remaining mute.

Fast forward to now,I am a mum and I have a daughter who is pre-teen. It scares me to no end. Mike and I do our best to be good parents,right now,we have a good relationship but I sometimes lose sleep over her. She is growing so fast and she is a lot like me,this in itself scares me.

I keep saying that I take my duty as a a parent very seriously. I am not one to go into anything without being painstaking about it,I am an intense person and this intensity applies to every or almost all aspects of my life.

In the course of the week,I was talking to a friend and this came up,my friend asked what exactly were my fears,I realized that I had never really vocalized my fears without mincing words. Once in a while,I talk to Mike about it but he is not neutral so may always just try to make me feel better.

So I actually gave it some thought and said exactly what my fears were . We talked about them one by one as well as practical solutions and ways to ensure that none of these things I feared ever came to pass or would be major issues. That conversation helped me to no end and put things into perspective for me. I am so thankful that I had that conversation.

Am I still afraid? You bet! However,it is no longer a gripping kind of fear,neither do I think it will give me sleepless nights anymore.

At the end of the day,I can only do my best,pray for the kiddos and let their good sense and all we have taught them come together to make them wholesome and good people. Afterall,despite all my teenage stress with my mum,here I am,I didn’t lose my way,at least I don’t think I did😅

As for my dad,I pray everyday that God keeps him alive for as long as he wills him to live. It is really not up to me or him to decide afterall. I just try to not think of or dwell on it so much. And I also try to make the most of the time I have with him and mum now.

So,what is your fear? What scares you so much that you lose sleep over? Sometimes,it is really not as bad as it seems when you get down to it.

P.S

I have quite a number of things I am scared about,however,right now,these two top the list.😊

Remember to always treat yourself well and be happy. It makes it easier for you to treat others well too.😊

❤Yetunde

Image Credit: OJ