Hey there!

How are you? How have you been?
I am okay. It was my birthday some days ago. I wanted to come on here to write but there was too much disquiet in my spirit to do so.😊

Back in December of 2020,some days after Christmas,Mike and I decided to visit a couple that were from his place and he’s been quite friendly with. They moved houses and the guy had visited us a couple of times and had kept saying we don’t want to visit them,we decided that day to do so.

They were really happy to see us and we talked about a whole lot of things,they are a younger couple ,I don’t know their ages but they are definitely much younger than us in marriage.

So we got into the discussion of how marriage affects men and how it affects women. We argued back and forth with everyone giving their own opinion and why they believed it held true. I am just going to share my opinion same way I shared it that day.

First,I have always had this thought about marriage,long before I met Mike and while it has changed in some way,the core of it has not changed.
I believe that marriage changes our lives more as women than it does the man and in some ways it is also more limiting for women than for men. I’ll explain.

The first 2 to 8 years of a woman’s marital life is often dedicated to bearing kids. I have seen women who have borne 3 kids in 3 years. This is not something I would do but people do it.
Now,you know by now that I already think Children are precious and one should not just have them without being intentional about raising them.

Once kids come into the picture,depending on what you do as a woman,you have to adjust to your life essentially revolving around your kids the first 3 to 5 years of their life.

Basically you put your life on hold to have and raise your kids. Not so much so for the man. If he is on a career path,he can continue in his career without pause as he is not affected directly the way the woman is when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth.

Another thing is in the area of education. There are so many women who would like to pursue masters degrees and even doctorate degrees after their first degrees. However,except this is your life’s goal and ambition in which case you would be willing to wing it and do as much as you can to realize this,there is just not enough time or resourec to fo all of these things as at when you want to do them especially if you are working to earn a living and contribute meaningfully to your family.

A lot of the time,women sacrifice their ambitions or put a pause on them for some years for marriage or to stay married.
If you doubt this is true,ask your mother or aunt or even older women around you. Let me give a typical example,I know someone who is just now in school to study law at 40 something because she just never had the time and opportunity to do it as she had to stay home to bring up her kids for some years and she had to wait till her last child was a teenager before she could pursue her life long dream of studying law.

Also,there are limits to what society terms as acceptable when a woman is married and when she is single. For a lot of women,their lives only revolve around their husbands and children,they practically feel like having a life of their own separate from their husbands or children is a taboo. Afterall,this is what society thinks and expect from them. The reason why some of them become strangers to their families and friends and even in cases of abuse,they are isolated and cannot get the required help in good time because isolation.

Looking at all of these,do I think marriage is worth it? Oh yes! Marriage to the right person for you is worth it and indeed two can chase down ten thousand because all these things stated here won’t be much of an issue if you both believe that the other’s dreams and ambitions are valid and one is not more important than the other.
I always say to my single friends,don’t spend your life waiting endlessly for marriage when you can be out there ‘slaying dragons’. You want a master’s degree? Go get it! You want a doctorate degree,go get it because I tell you combining raising and nurturing your family with pursuing your goals is not a walk in the park. It takes a lot of sacrifice,grit and hardwork.

Lastly,as women,we need to learn to enjoy the moments in our lives. Do not sacrifice so much that you forget that you are a human being who has a life of her own too. Do not also resent your husband or kids later for thinking you sacrificed to much,make the necessary sacrifices and have conversations around each other’s needs at every point in time.

Live your life for you as well as for your husband and children,grow and develop yourself in every way you can.
Do not just let your life slip away,it is okay to go out with friends and enjoy that bowl of abula and amala because, you only die once.

Take care,be good to yourself and others.

❤
Yetunde.



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